Attacking the Meta with Birds: Fun & Jank Episode 63

Welcome back to another episode of Fun & Jank! I’m Plum, and I’ve been losing to Eldrazi a lot. And Scapeshift. And Eldrazi, and UR Lotus Combo. Aaaand Eldrazi.

You get the gist.

If you’ve been following the column, you know I usually spend my time trying to make infinite squirrels or finding ways to turn 0/3 walls into killing machines. But lately, the Historic queue has been a slog fest of Eldritch Horrors and it make me sad :(. Between fighting off Eldrazi Titans, or lifelinking cats that make an army while you sit there and watch, my jank was no longer working (not sure that it did before, but now it really didn’t). So I decided we should try and play good cards for once, and I ended up with something I call “Hate Birds.”

Analyzing a Broken Meta

Before we get into the feathers and the fury, let’s talk about the “Science of the Scoop.” In any healthy Magic ecosystem, there’s a rock-paper-scissors dynamic. But every now and then, “Rock” finds a gun, “Scissors” starts moving at the speed of light, and “Paper” is just sitting there wondering why it’s on fire.

To brew a deck that actually survives a cutthroat meta, you have to stop looking at your own deck and start staring, intensely, perhaps a bit creepily, at your opponent’s.

Welcome back to another episode of Fun & Jank! If you’ve been following the column, you know I usually spend my time trying to make infinite squirrels or finding ways to turn 0/3 walls into killing machines. But lately, the Historic queue on MTG Arena has started looking less like a friendly neighborhood card game and more like a sci-fi horror movie.

Between the Eldrazi titans stomping everything into dust and the Boros Energy players basically playing Solitaire while we watch, I realized something: sometimes, you have to stop being the one doing the jank and start being the one who says “No.”

Today, we’re putting down the Scurry Oaks and picking up the pitchforks. We’re going Mono-White “Hate Birds.”

Identifying the “Big Bad”

Right now, Historic is defined by Greed.

• Eldrazi Ramp: They want to cheat the mana curve using Ugin’s Labyrinth and Eldrazi Temple to cast things that shouldn’t exist until turn 5+.
• Combo: Whether it’s Val Combo, Scapeshift, or UR Lotus Field, these decks are essentially trying to play a different game than you. They aren’t interested in combat at all, so we need disrupt and kill them at the same time.

When you analyze a meta like this, you look for the Choke Points. What do all these decks have in common?

1. They rely on specific, non-basic lands.
2. They search their libraries constantly.
3. They want to cast multiple spells or high-cost spells in a single window.

If we can build a deck that hits all three of those nerves at once, then we have a chance.

The Deck

Bears vs Birds

Traditionally, “Hatebears” are 2/2 ground creatures with a hindering effect stapled on, like Thalia, Guardian of Thraben, or Leonin Arbiter. They’re great, but in 2026, the ground is a dangerous place to be. By moving our “hate” to the air, we accomplish two things: we stay relevant in combat by flying over the mess, and we keep our disruption pieces alive longer.

So let’s break down what Hate Birds I chose to accomplish our goals.

The Land Destruction Package

If you want to beat Eldrazi, you have to hit them where it hurts: the wallet (or the mana base).

• White Orchid Phantom + Ghost Quarter: This is the heart of our aggression. The Phantom is a 2/2 flyer for two mana (efficient!) that destroys a non-basic land on ETB. In a vacuum, they get a basic land back. But when paired with Aven Mindcensor, they only get to look at the top four cards for that land. If they miss? You just Strip Mined them for two mana and left a body behind.

Speed Bumps

• Archon of Emeria: This is our best option to slow down a wide variety of gameplans. It forces non-basic lands to enter tapped and limits everyone to one spell per turn. This absolutely guts Aggro and Lotus Field decks that want to chain five actions together in one go.
• Clarion Conqueror: This is rather strong beater that just happens to stop multiple relevant cards in the Historic format. By shutting down activated abilities of artifacts and creatures, we stop mana dorks, The One Ring, Broodscale, Artifacts Lands, Treasure Tokens, etc. It feels like there’s always at least one thing it hits in any given match up.

Specific Hate

• Aven Mindcensor: The bane of Scapeshift and Val Combo. In response to their big search spell, you flash this in and watch them hover over it and read as they hold back tears.
• Reidane, God of the Worthy: She’s here for the big stuff. If they’re trying to cast Scapeshift or a Kozilek’s Command, Reidane makes it cost two more. And if you flip her to the Valkmira side? Suddenly, all that incremental damage from Val Combo or Glaring Fleshraker triggers no longer kill you.

Brewing with a Purpose

When I sat down to update this list, I didn’t just look for “good white cards.” I looked for Modal Hate. Each card in this 75 has a job. If a card only stops one deck, it stays in the sideboard. If it stops three decks and can also peck someone’s eyes out for 2 damage? It gets a mainboard slot.

Let’s take a look at the rest of this and how we supported our Hate Birds.

Momo, Friendly Flier: Don’t let the cuteness fool you. Momo is a “mana dork” for our birds. He makes our flyers cheaper, which lets us dump our hand of hate pieces a turn earlier. He also provides relevantly consistent damage each turn as he’s also left alone as our other fliers draw more attention.

Awestruck Cygnet: This is our “scaling” threat. It starts as a humble 2/1, but as we play our other birds, it gets “intensity.” Eventually, it becomes a 4/4 Radiant Swan with vigilance.

Judge’s Familiar: A classic turn-one play. It’s a tiny tax that forces the opponent to play off-curve. It can actually be quite great against board wipes, forcing the opponent to wait an extra turn to pay the 1.

Ademi of the Silkchutes: A newer inclusion. It has Flash and can gain flying, but its real job is extra protection. You can sacrifice it to give your whole board hexproof and indestructible. It’s another way to beat boardwipes and trade well in combat if needed.

Fragment Reality: This is our premier removal. We don’t care about giving them a 1-drop because, frankly, our birds just fly over it. It’s a great way to delete anything that poses a threat.

Mana Tithe: Purely here for the psychological warfare.

Rally of Wings: This is our blow out card. It untaps our team and gives them +2/+2. It turns a defensive block into a board clear or a “safe” swing into lethal damage.

Razorgrass Ambush: A land when you need it, a removal spell for small annoyances when you don’t. Flexibility is great.

Sideboard

Our deck is not that scary in games two and three. We max out with creatures at 3 power and most of the deck are low toughness birds. So it’s a little scary when opponents bring in every Fatal Push, Static Prison, and Divine Purge in existence.

But that’s okay. We aren’t just here to complain about board wipes. Our sideboard is designed to double down on the taxes and ensure that once we identify what our opponent is trying to do, we can stave off that gameplan long enough to win the game.

Aven Interrupter (3): Basically a catch all for us. It’s a 2/2 flyer with Flash that essentially “counters” a spell by exiling it and forcing the opponent to pay 2 more to cast it from exile later. It stops Scapeshift in its tracks, taxes Eldrazi even harder, and can slow down assorted decks for a whole turn most of the time.

Rest in Peace (3): The classic. If you see Samwise Combo UR Lotus, or a Reanimator deck, you bring this in.

Hushbringer (3): This is our secret weapon against the Boros Energy and stuff like Val Combo (the lifegain at least) that rely on ETB effects. It turns off Guide of Souls, Amped Raptor, and so much more. Just be careful—it also turns off our own White Orchid Phantom, so only bring it in when the opponent’s ETBs are scarier than ours.

Wrath of the Skies (2): Sometimes the Energy player goes too wide, too fast. We need a way to reset the board. Since most of our hate birds are three mana, we generally cast this for X = 2 against decks like that as a blow out.

Pithing Needle (2): This is for the “Oh no, not that card” moments. Name The One Ring, name Karn, the Great Creator, or Ajani. Whatever you want, I don’t care.

Path to Exile (1) & Thraben Charm (1): Extra removal for when Fragment Reality isn’t enough. Path is great for permanent exile, and Thraben Charm is incredibly modal—it can kill a creature, exile a graveyard, or destroy an enchantment like Static Prison.

Gameplay

The biggest mistake you can make with this deck is playing out all your birds at once. If you have an Archon of Emeria and an Aven Mindcensor on the board, you have already established a “soft lock.” You don’t need to play your third and fourth birds just to deal an extra 2 damage. Keep them in your hand. If they find a way to kill your Archon, you want to be able to immediately drop another one and resume the audit.

Relevant Lines & Matchup Tips

1. The Ghost Quarter “Strip Mine” Trick In the video, you’ll see a line that absolutely ruins the Eldrazi and Scapeshift players.

• The Line: With an Aven Mindcensor on board, you use Ghost Quarter or trigger White Orchid Phantom on their key land (Ugin’s Labyrinth or Valakut).
• The Result: They go to search for a basic land to replace it. Mindcensor restricts them to the top four cards. In a 60-card deck, the odds of them missing a basic in the top four are surprisingly high. You just deleted their land and gave them nothing in return. That is how you win the mana war.

2. Against Boros Energy: This is our most interactive matchup. You want to prioritize landing a Clarion Conqueror early. In the video, notice how shutting down the activated abilities of Guide of Souls or Ajani completely stalls their engine. They’re left with a bunch of 1/1s and 2/1s that can’t grow, and our birds can just peck them down from the air. If they try to go for a big swing, hold up Rally of Wings to really get ’em. Goblin Bombardment still sucks for us though.

3. Against Scapeshift/Valakut: Never tap out against a Scapeshift player once they hit four or five mana. You want to keep three mana open for Aven Mindcensor. When they cast Scapeshift and sacrifice their lands as a cost, you flash in the Mindcensor in response. They get to search the top four, likely find zero Valakuts, and now they have no lands and no win-con. They’re pretty fast with Explorations, so you can slow them down a bit by removing Dryad and such in the mean time.

4. UR Lotus: Game one can be ok if you get an early Echon and keep them off of Painter’s Talent. Judge’s Familiar is also rathe annoying but they can easily overcome the tax with an early Lotus. Be prepared for them to bring in Into the Flood Maw for games two and three. Rest in Peace and Aven Mindcensor will be important here.

Closing Thoughts

I have to be honest: even though the Eldrazi titans still got me a few times (mostly my own fault), I was incredibly impressed by how this deck felt. Playing this list actually felt a lot like playing Death & Taxes in the 2015 Modern era.

This deck is for the player who is tired of seeing the same three Tier 0 decks on the ladder and wants to send a message. We’re not here to combo off; we’re here to make sure you don’t. I know it not quite the usual Jank we show off in these articles, but I do enjoy talking about the idea behind a brew, and this one felt note worthy. Plus we still snuck in Mana Tithe, so I think that makes up for the lack of fun cards. I think there’s still room to improve and other cards to test (RW Auras is not a fun matchup for us), but you can win ’em all. Our deck did what I wanted it to do and thats enough for me. It was fun digging through allt he possible fliers we could jam and see what worked and what didn’t.

That’s it for me!

Thanks for reading!

As always, feel free to comment and leave any questions you have below. And make sure to come back next week for even more Fun & Jank!

If you want to see these decks in action, come hang out with me on stream where we test, refine, and have a ton of fun together.

Happy Brewin’!