New Cards for Old Jank: Fun & Jank Episode 28

Time for some spring cleaning!

Tarkir: Dragonstorm (along with some alchemy buffs) has released and there’s a lot of fun new toys to brew with. But today, we’re going to do some housekeeping. Instead of tearing everything apart and starting from scratch, we’ll be digging through our jank drawer, dusting off a few old favorites, and slapping in some upgrades.

With the release of Tarkir: Dragonstorm, we’ve got some fresh cards shaking up Historic and Timeless—and more importantly, they’ve breathed new life into a handful of decks that have been sitting on my shelf for a bit. We’re going to revisit a few familiar faces from past episodes (and some we haven’t talked about yet) and see how they’ve evolved with the help of some spicy new additions. Whether it’s a smoother mana base, a better payoff, or just a much-needed redundancy piece, these small upgrades make our jank better over time.

Let’s take a look.

Deck #1 – Greenie Weenie

New Tech: Chittering Illuminator (Alchemy buff)

This deck’s been kicking around the Jank Tank for a little and we orignally talked about it in Episode 15—it’s a hyper-aggressive green list that curves out with creatures, dumps its hand with Burning-Tree Emissary, and goes for lethal with Aspect of Hydra. You know, classic “math is for blockers” gameplay. But it always had one problem: once you ran out of gas, you just kinda died. Our other sources of card advantage have hoops to jump through. The trigger from Audacity hitting the grave, a Werewolf Pack Leader trigger when we swing with 6+ power, or getting a Ranger Class to level 3.

Enter: Chittering Illuminator, freshly updated with an Alchemy cost reduction and ready to squirrel its way into our deck. This little 2-drop adds a ton of late-game gas to our game plan. In a deck stacked with cheap creatures, Chittering Illuminator gives us a way to keep the pressure on without needing to load up on draw spells or grindy value cards. It plays well on curve, and the fact it has two green pips means it powers up Aspect of Hydra even faster.

It’s not a totally new deck—but this update has proven to be rather strong in testing. Now, instead of being a one-shot beatdown machine, we’ve got a bit of staying power if the game goes long. we had to cut a few Appeal // Authority and a land to add these guys in, but it’s worth it.

Glowing squirrels go crazy.

Deck #2 – Dragonfire Zoo

New Tech: Cori-Steel Cutter, Winternight Stories, Dragonfire Blade

Alright, let’s switch gears and venture into the Timeless format with a deck that most players will recognize in some form: Domain Zoo.

This is your classic five-color aggro pile—led by Territorial Kavu, backed by hyper-efficient threats like Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer and Nishoba Brawler, and rounded out with just enough removal and card advantage to stay ahead. But this time around, we’re adding a little spice in the form of a Stoneforge Mystic package, along with some brand-new upgrades from Tarkir: Dragonstorm that smooth out the curve and supercharge the late game.

So what’s new?

• Winternight Stories
  This might quietly be one of the best blue draw spells for aggressive shells. Three cards for three mana is a strong rate, and the discard isn’t painful if you’re tossing extra lands or dead topdecks. Plus, thanks to Harmonize, you can cast it from the graveyard later using the power of one of your creatures—like Phlage, Titan of Fire’s Fury—to help cover the cost. It fits beautifully into Zoo’s gameplan as both early fuel and late-game gas.
• Cori-Steel Cutter
  This one’s spicy. It gives trample and haste—already a big deal—but also generates 1/1 monk tokens whenever you double-spell each turn and auto-attaches to them. That pairs absurdly well with Zoo’s low curve and with Stoneforge Mystic tutoring it up. You’ll often make a Monk, then auto-attach the sword and get in for more chip damage or value blocks than your opponent can handle. Throwing it on Phlage to grant it haste and trample the turn you escape it has also proven useful.
• Dragonfire Blade
  This equipment is perfect for a deck leaning on Leyline of the Guildpact. It gives +2/+2 and hexproof from monocolored, making it a nightmare for decks trying to kill your stuff with traditional removal. Plus, its equip cost gets cheaper for each color your creature has—so in Domain Zoo, it’s often just 2 mana to equip to something like Territorial Kavu, or even free if we have Leyline out. You’ll turn a strong threat into an unstoppable one, dodging removal while pushing more damage through blockers.

These three additions give Domain Zoo a fresh angle to play from. The deck already has incredibly efficient threats and answers, but with Stoneforge in the mix, we can power up each creature to close out games either quicker. There’s also the chance to play an additional tool box of equipment in the sideboard.

And if you’ve been curious about trying Timeless but weren’t sure where to start—this might just be your gateway deck. Aggro at heart, but flexible enough to grind.

Deck #3 – UR Improvise

New Tech: Mox Jasper

If you’ve been hanging out on stream or following me on Twitter lately, you’ve probably seen me flinging various “8-Mox” brews at the wall to see what sticks. And I think this one might finally have some traction.

Say hello to UR Improvise, a Historic deck that blends two different Mox-centric packages into one artifact-fueled monstrosity.

The Shell

This deck is built around two overlapping engines:

Leyline of Transformation + Universal Automaton + Mox Jasper – This is where the spice comes in. Leyline turns your cheap artifacts into Dragons, which instantly powers up Mox Jasper as a rainbow mana rock. Adaptive Automatonis a cheap “dragon” that also happens to be an artifact to help pay for improvise costs.

Emry + Tamiyo + Mox Amber – The classic blue artifact value package. Tamiyo creates artifacts, Emry replays, and the both turn on Mox Amber.

When you combine these two cores, you get a deck that’s absurdly good at building explosive turns from early.Reverse Engineer and Howling Mine help to keep our hand filled after we dump it in the first few turns. Note Howling Mine becomes a one-sided draw engine if we keep it tapped by using it to improvise our spells. And once Kappa Cannoneer or Enraged Giant hits the field, it doesn’t take much to close the game.

While I’m still eager to test other shells, this one has has shown to negate the problems of the Mox Jasper package I’m testing. Leyline is clunky if it’s paired with Mox, and Automaton is not good on it’s own. The improvise ability makes that less of a deterrent though. Mox Jasper and Automaton can still be used to cast our improvise spells even if the other pieces of the package aren’t present.

Still not sure if 8 moxes is worth jumping through all these hoops, but it’s been doing well so far!

Deck #4 – Bombardment Prison

New Tech: United Battlefront

This one’s for all you sickos.

We’re back in Historic with a Solemnity Lock deck, and this time we’ve got a new twist: United Battlefront, a valuable piece of card selection from Tarkir: Dragonstorm that helps us assemble our pillow fort faster than ever. This list is actually based on it’s Modern counterpart that recently did well in a challenge on MTGO.

The Shell

At its core, this is an enchantment deck that wants to lock the opponent out of the game with one combo, before killing them with another

• Can’t Die:
  Solemnity + Nine Lives/Phyrexian Unlife – You can’t get counters, so you can’t die.
  
• Infinite Damage:
  Solemnity + Young Wolf + Goblin Bombardment – Infinite damage loop. Wolf dies, undies with no counter, repeat. We fling it forever until your opponent explodes.

Everything else is support and glue:

• and Sterling Grove protect your pieces
• Chained to the Rocks gives you flexible removal
• Malevolent Rumble finds lands, combo pieces, and ramps us into turn 3 United Battlefront.
• March of Otherworldly Light is efficient removal when we’re in a pinch.

Battlefront received a bit of hype during spoiler season, but it slots in perfect here. For four mana, you get to look at the top seven cards of your library and drop up to two cheap noncreature permanents straight onto the battlefield. That’s Solemnity plus Goblin Bombardment. Or Nine Lives plus Sterling Grove. It’s a toolbox tutor, a combo assembler, and a cheat effect—all in one.

This list isn’t flashy. You’re trying to do the same thing every single game. But it’s sticky. Sterling Grove and Auramancy make it incredibly hard to interact with. It’s nice that Grove also acts as copies 2-5 of Bombardment to make finding it much more consistent while still only playing one copy.

Deck #5 – 80-Card Warriors

New Tech: Stadium Headliner

Let’s close things out with ol’ reliable.

If you remember Episode 11, you already know what this pile is about—smashing with hasty, oversized, multicolored Warriors that benefit from tribal synergies. It’s a big ol’ mess of beaters, value creatures, and Collected Company dreams stuffed into 80 cards for reasons that are honestly still unclear. But now? We’ve added a new cast member to the party: Stadium Headliner.

This little Goblin might not look like much at first—but don’t sleep on the Mobilize mechanic. Not only does it scale with your board, but it gives the deck something it was sorely lacking: targeted removal that plays to your aggressive plan. Mobilize also plays well with cards that pump our team like Crop-Captain or Warleader and I’ve had a couple games where I’ve sacrificed Headliner just to kill a cat token of our own and flip Ajani.

It’s big. It’s messy. It’s still 80 cards for some reason. But now it has Goblin-based crowd control. Maybe we can take it to the top of the Mythic Ladder again soon!

Closing Thoughts

Sometimes, the best part of a new set isn’t building something totally new—it’s realizing that a deck you loved almost works now… and just needed one more piece. Tarkir: Dragonstorm dropped a handful of janky-but-powerful upgrades that slot perfectly into some of our favorite weird builds from the past, and this week was all about giving those decks the spotlight again.

From squirrel-fueled green aggro to 8-Mox improvise brews, domain zoo with new swords, and enchantment prison nonsense, we’ve seen some real glow-ups this week. Even 80-card Warriors got back in the ring, now with more goblins!

Whether you’re looking to revisit one of your own brews or just love seeing the ways new cards breathe life into old piles, I hope this episode gave you some inspiration to dig back into your jank archives.

Thanks for reading.

As always feel free to comment and leave any questions you have below! Make sure to come back next week for even more Fun & Jank!

If you want to see these decks in action, come hang out with me on stream where we test, refine, and have a ton of fun together!

Happy Brewing!